5 Things You Won’t Hear in a Courtroom

It’s NaNoWriMo, which means I’m one of the overly confident people who plan to write an entire novel in one month. But the weather has cooled, there’s Dutch Apple Cake in the oven, and I have a few things I want to say before I go back to said novel.

As part of my undergraduate degree, I had to observe a courtroom for two hours. It was quite an eye-opener. A man who attacked another man with a knife was released on his own recognizance. A shoplifter asked for a jury trial when there was video evidence against her. A man was insulted for being too old to remember clearly by the attorney of a tattooed gang member accused of putting a gun to the man’s chest to steal his truck. Then a woman sitting behind me made a comment about somebody just trying to lock up young men. I wanted to stand up and yell, “Are you kidding me?” So here is my list of things a court reporter will never type.

  1. Yes, I killed him. He has a lot of life insurance and I was sick of the snoring.
  2. Your Honor, I had to shoot her. She kept feeding her poisoned food to the dogs and I’d never forgive myself if Fluffy died.
  3. I stole the money because my Birthday is coming, and Mom never buys me what I want. So I thought I’d just get my own present.
  4. I’m a selfish, heartless cheater. My attorney is just trying to make my wife look guilty so I can keep all my stuff. She really didn’t deserve to be accused.
  5. No, Grandma did not give me her car. I didn’t want to use mine to rob the bank because I knew you’d trace the tag to me. She looks sweet and innocent, so I knew she’d never be convicted.

I hope you enjoy this time of year when baking is fun and people are more friendly (probably because they just ate some wonderful, homemade cookies). May your days be full of joy and your nights full of peace. I hope to be able to tell you about a new novel in 30 days or so. There’s a treasure of gold coins, a dilapidated antebellum mansion, and a maze of caves in my future. That’s all I can tell you now.

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